Monday, March 17, 2008

Life is full of opportunities, yet when you lose one, you would not find the same coming along in your way. There would be many transitions along the way, from a toodler to a child , teenager and a young adult and so on. At each stage, the thinking and mindset may differ as the environment influence you. The willpower not to change is hard as we are forced to under circumstances. Now, as you look back. The foolish, stupidest thing you have ever done is in fact a lovely memory which you may find it a joke or sometimes you may have thought why have you done that and ponder over it with embarrassment. I can only say that it is always hard to have things your way like remembering the nice memories and forget the bad. However, the bad memories will set to haunt you at the time when you do not want to recall. Thinking changes everyday by looking at the surroundings around. Human change themselves to adapt to the surrounding or doing something they do not want to do due to pressure from the society. I do not enjoy trying to change myself to suit myself somewhere but when i do, i lost myself. Being a true self and yet at the same time being accepted is not an easy thing. You do live for yourselves when you are in fact not. You live for others. I hate this at times and slowly, this really takes time, when people see your true self. As i start mixing around with the people i have known at different stages, the feeling is very different. Primary school is still the feeling of being in primary school. Secondary is nevertheless the closest batch of people i have ever been with. JC is a group of mature young adults who knows about fashion, idol and currents affairs as well as some fun. I guess i am still stuck in my sec sch self. Do not know it all. Haha. University make me more outspoken then before but yet when i speak, it may consists of a tone which i never expect to use and a conversation starting with argument. I have never been in such state before. Never ever had i start a conversation with argument. At times it was also filled with sacarsm as others have grown and thinking is different too. The way they do things are different and in projects, conflicts and unhappiness are unavoidable. It is hard to expect the same for everyone, so give some leeway and things would turn out just fine even if it is for a selfish motive. I tend to wonder what type of person would i be if i am not born in this conservative but yet open to a certain extent society. Would i born not to be hate by others or like by others. It is really hard to decide your character. Sometimes, it is just hard to expect people to be like you and when you tried to change them, you will lose them. Reality is hard but you have to accept it unless you are capable of changing your own fate and destiny and be your true self. A strong willpower as well as unconcern of what others see you, i forsee the change is approaching.

This is just a random post. It is not directed at anyone or objects. This is purely my reflections on my encounters in life up to this date.

signing off... audrey at 11:51 PM